I love contact lenses

I almost gave this little grin with my mouth when some little girl was staring at me when I walked by wearing my red eye lenses. And that cash girl was hesitant when I looked straight to her eyes. But I'm totally got used to this 'confusing people' -thing.

Yeah, I was at center today just going to leave my winter shoes to shoe smith and I got back home and I forgot that I was about to go buy some fluid for my eye lenses and I went to store what was near to our home, it's kind of mall but not really, there's just two lunch restaurants and couple of other stores with food market; hair store, couple of jewerly stores and some phone store and glass store where I went to buy that fluid. The cash lady started to speak too much about those fluids and I decided just to let her and she offered me some different fluids and I finally got this fluid that was the smallest one and it cost less than other ones, and I got the lense case too and some bag with them. So I wanted to just be sure I got the fluid and case when I got this idea I was talking about; I went back to home and put on my red Volturi eye lenses that I have bought just something like week ago or so. I'm wearing them now when I'm writing this, but soon I have to take them off, I've had them some hours now, my sight is a bit blurry I think because my eyes are getting tired, but I am not absolutely sure about it..
Well, I just went back to center and I remembered that I forgot to return a dvd that I rented yesterday. I watched Disney Pixar's The Brave (was it Disney Pixar's ?). It was awesome movie even that I was a little hesitant about how it's gonna be, but I actually liked it very much.
Wait a sec..*going to remove my contact lenses*
Ok, so. It wasn't so hard. First time I have ever wore contacts was something like two years ago and back then I had green contact lenses. Now I just laugh at myself, because it was so hard to get them on my eyes hahaha! And even the removing process was.... well, I call it torment. *hahaha* And after two years, I didn't got an idea what it was like!
But I think it is just that when you get used to it, it's not that hard anymore, well indeed.

But I feel so proud of myself. I always do if I succeed even in so little case.
This is taken today, when I was wearing them--->

I have been wearing these only twice and I'm in love with them. I also have those other contacts I bought, they are 'Twilight' lenses, those that Cullens have. I haven't tried them yet but maybe on this week, maybe tomorrow when I'm getting my shoes back with new heels, I have walked them to half dead :D
But they are my loved ones.

Ok, I'm going to dye my hair now and going to watch some tv shows, bye!

~Ida~

my will to believe in life has to start again

Okay, movie Monday challenge from last Monday.... and that waass....3rd Dec already. :D
I was about to write it earlier but I had no idea or inspiration.

Okey.. so..Questions were..:

Who is your favorite of deformed creatures with a heart, however, in place? Who's cruel treatment makes you drop a tear?
hmmm.. There's lot of 'monsters' I like, I am somehow always going to their side, instead of others..
My favorite creature that has received bad treatment and avoid from others is Edward Scissorhands. 

┅❖┅

Okayyyyyh, then my personal life newss.

I've spent a week now at home and I've had fun. Lots of it. Fun means:

I saw a guy friend on Monday and I spent about three hours with him at his apartment. We haven't seen each others like.. ..for years I would say. But we have been in touch on internet.. 

I also bought ticket to Rise of the Guardians on Monday before the friend meeting. 

Tuesday I was just at home helping mom to make cakes and stuff to Wednesday. So on Wednesday I was at my brother's school were he graduated from highschool. 

We had quests between 3:00pm - 6:00pm and the last ones came around 6pm and stayed couple of hours and they were friends of my parents, they went to our summer cottage to spend a night. My brother had few friends from 6pm to 1am and all my siblings were together except me., who were hiding in my old room where I have slept all these nights here. Drunk afterparty went well, I drank couple of long drinks with myself as company, once in a while I went to see what's happening at downstairs to get another drink and check out  that the house isn't damaged or anything..

at 1am I watched Snow White and the Huntsman and went to sleep..

ON Thursday I went to movies to see Rise of the Guardians where I bought that ticket. I liked it so much! It was funny and that's what I need to have now, happiness. Building myself back together, trying to keep on going in the middle of mood swings in this roller coaster. 

I've drank couple of long drinks every night since Wednesday, I don't wanna get wasted so much, I don't wanna have hangover, that's why but I want to drink something.

That sounded more stupid than what it sounded like in my head... ...

Friday... umh.. Why I do not remember that... It wad just yesterday!

uuhh... I seriously don't remember what was I doing-- and now it came back.

Second one of the twin brothers had night with his friends, they drank and played games and had sauna time.. Mom wasn't pleased about it today at all.. Today when my parents came home, I was alone and I had to listen mom's nagging about how my brother didn't clean up after and how she have cleaned the house just before Christmas and nag nag... 

I was on computer and my laptop is making me anxious already about being so slow and then there was even some angsty stuff on Tumblr atm, and then there was mom nagging so I was so near to go down, but I shut myself and I was pretending to listen her because I couldn't just take it. Thank Odin, other people showed up soon and mom stopped and she went to make food.

I was fed up about my best friend and I have talked with my mom and sister (both alone with me in different moments), my sister is also moving, which she have done a lot in these years since she moved out from home before me. She moved out at her 19's and ever since she has had few apartments.. So now that she's moving again, mom got that address to that company that is selling apartments in Hämeenlinna and gave it to me so I can keep an eye on it and I have to go to make an application..

It took two days from my best friends to send a text to me and ask my bank account number so she could pay me back the half of that electricity bill what she was owed to me.

But I just said I don't need it anymore. So that's it. She didn't ask about the Justin Bieber ticket that I am owed to her or the TV bills... What evs.

I was about to write about this yesterday or the day before it, but I've been avoiding it, because I want to avoid it. Just for myself, because if I'm down, and then I open up to blog ors, I'm just getting those feeling back and it makes me once again feeling down. 

And now I really need to concentrate my thoughts to positive things. Untill I go back to Tampere. 

I am afrair of going back. Because I've just got back this positivity and it can't come back, not now.

I have still tomorrow to go at my cousin's Christening party and on next Monday I'll see another close friend. I haven't seen her for so long.

So these were all.. I'm going to watch some Supernatural now and off to shower,

~Ida

I just got enough

I need to vent this. Too much adrenaline. Can't just stand her.
I always get adrenaline when it's about to solve problems between two persons and that one you have to clear up displeasing things, it gets my blood run so fast and I'm shaking so much by the adrenaline
that I can barely keep myself together.

I just wanna scream. Like REALLY hard and then fall on the floor. Or go to some lonely place where no one can hear me screaming my heart out of my chest.

Okay then I don't need a best friend. I just don't say it to her. I think she'll realize it by herself by the time. I can't even talk to her so what the point of trying. Sometimes I barely get a smile from her. She maybe notices that I am trying to get that smile. And then maybe couple of days after on her better day, when she's more talkative, 'explains' really suspiciously that sometimes she just don't want to socialize or don't want to even smile or talk to people and she-- Oh GOD.

Now I know. I've known for awhile I guess. She's my problem. She makes me miserable.

Writing this makes me more angry and feelings are strangling my neck.
I just can't cry.

I've been thinking that I give away the ticket I bought to Justin Bieber's concert. I really don't want to go. With her&her sister. I know I can't do it. Because why I would have felt such happiness when driving off from Tampere to Hämeenlinna and be just eager about being here for the next week.

Now she's insulting me on Twitter. Okay. My instincts are never wrong about those.
That really breaks me apart. She doesn't know what I've been through and it annoys me that I can't talk to her about it, just can't!

Fuck that shit.

Tears. Finally.
Couldn't keep myself together.
Okay. Now you're just a roommate. Because I can't count on you if I need to open up.

This is how my therapy goes: vent the anger on blog/diary, crying my heart out, wiping tears away and then listening to music. Then I get over it.
Something like that.
But there's still the place for a tight hug that I need.

Party party on next week!

I have to go. I want to go. I'm freezing here. And I like that I have to go homo for the next week, there's so much to do ! On Tuesday I'm gonna help mom baking for my little brother's Graduating party, on Wednesday is The Party, Thursday there's gonna be 95th Independence day in Finland and there's some celebration event at my home town's Ice Rink and I wanna see that what kind of show they are bringing this year (my brother was playing ice hockey player Mikael Granlund on last year's show so I was there watching it). I have some free time on Friday to Saturday and on Sunday I'm going to my baby cousin's Christening party and I am going to be one of her three Godparents :) I'm also gonna see one close friend on Monday, or if we decide to see earlier but I really don't mind if we see on Monday and on Thursday too, because she asked if I'm going to Independence celebration event, I think we're gonna see there maybe.

I'm so exited about the next week at Hämeenlinna, 'cause I've been a little bit more than a little down this week. And I am not even sorry for leaving. 

I'm happy that there's finally snowing and the snow is staying on the ground this time(first snow came on November but it stayed only that one night). People might think that finnish people are always going crazy about the first snow and that they seem like they've never seen snow before. No, in my case, I am every time very happy about snow when it comes! I love snow, but the coldness without it is killing me, it depresses me. Because there's only coldness and very dark. 

This is gonna be like a habit that I go off to HML for more than just for weekends :D I've been now for two nights sleeping with mittens on and I'm wearing my leggings pants, what I use normally at daytime, because I'm just so freezing here! And one night I wore two couples of wool socks.

About spending my free time on Friday and Saturday, I would want to just go see some movies. I am thinking of going to see Breaking dawn pt 2 again, like I haven't seen it couple of times before ::D But if I find some movie so great, I want, or I just go see it twice or more :D I really wasn't fond of Rise of the Guardians when I was only seen posters of it, but when on Tumblr last week and this week too, I would want to see it. 

Few movies I would want to go see for now what are in theaters or coming soon:

• Nightmare -Painajainen merellä (='Nightmare at sea' Salatut Elämät -movie)
• Hobbit - Unexpected journey
• Rise of the Guardians
• Hotel Stransylvania
• Frankenweenie
• Looper
• Astérix et Obélix: Au Service de Sa Majesté

and maybe this too:

• Imaginaerum (by: Nightwish)

but I can go to see Hobbit when I'm back to Tampere 'cause the premiere is 12.12.2012(hahah, magic date)
OH! I just found that there's real ballet movie coming on next week as well. It is filmed in 1966 and it's Swan Lake ballet. I haven't never seen that before, and I love ballet since I was dancing since I was 6 and ended dancing when I was 15. But since when, I've always loved ballet so much, I've seen opera ballet twice; Sleeping Beauty and Nutcracker. But I just dont' remember when, I was still little girl. I still have my hard-pointed ballet shoes. And I thought they don't cost much but just few weeks back, I heard it from mom how much they actually cost. Mine were over 200€ when they were new. That little surprised me! Well, how couldn't it surprise anyone.

Since I saw this furry vest at first time on Kate in Breaking Dawn pt 2, I fell in love from first sight!(Kate's on left)

And thanks to my close friend Katja, she found vest that was some way alike with this one, now I'm in process to find that :D

Okies, bye then :P ~Ida

Make your best move, zombies

So.. Movie Monday turned to be Movie Tuesday.
I was about to write this yesterday but, well at least I did it now !

Movie Monday #68 challenge this time was walking dead.. ZOMBIES.

1. Best Zombie movie ever?
I have only seen just a few zombie movies so.... The best I've seen..
I don't really know, this is hard to say what is actually the best of all. All what I've seen are good in their own ways but I've seen The Evil Dead by Sam Raimi few years ago, I was somewhat like around 17 years old. It is in it way great zombie movie. It's made in 1981, but that it's so old (31 years) movie it doesn't make it bad(don't judge movie by the year it's made ;) This movie just had those creepy voice effects what makes them scary.

2.Worst and why?
Zombieland. I don't even remember anything about it, it might be because it was boring and out of my taste in zombie movies.. And it wasn't really that kind of zombie movie I like. It was also a comedy. So.. Like.. You know, you can't add comedy in zombie movie! No. This was the worst I've seen.

3. running or suffling zombies?
I personally fear more suffling things. Any scary thing that if moving very slowly but very certainly to you. Hrrrr, I even got chills while writing that.

4. First and last seen ?
I saw at some list of zombie movies that Cabin in the woods is one of them. So I count it as last seen. And my first ever seen zombie movie was.... Wait, I have to think of this, it's been so many years ago.. :D I think it might been Stephen King's Creepshow 2. I have seen both (1st & 2nd movie) when I was about 15 years old or so.. In those movies they really are very scary for me even that those movies are 25 years old this year. But what I think why Creepshow is one of the scariest is that (in my opinion) they made such good movies in 80's. This goes to that are where it is what people like about movies and what is good or bad but I'm born in late 80's so... No, that is not my excuse :D but I like some of the fantasy and scifi movies what are made in 80's.
But yeah, uhh.. I was saying that for those who don't know about Creepshow, it includes five stories in one movie that are based on Stephen King's stories.

Own comments:
I didn't want to pick any creepy picture of The Evil Dead movie on the top of this entry, because actually I found very scary pictures from google and I'm writing this in nighttime, and it's dark outside & I don't want to scare myself to death. :D And I find those vintage zombie posters somehow neat at the moment.

So.. bye for now :)
~Ida ♥

when I last time was jealous it was just like now, my heart is burning

uhh, sorry the more you read, the text will go more confusing ... ..and you may not understand 'cause I leave unfinished/unexplained things here, I'm confused myself too. (OR that's what it felt like in my head)

Halloween's knocking on the door..
I'm not so sure if I'm happy about it. Because I just last or... ..two weeks ago heard from my BFF that there's Halloween party at her school and they are supposed to wear costumes that are characters from tv/movies.
I can be at times very very jealous about anything, and Halloween is on the top of that list.
Tell me you're having party, I'm ok with that.
Tell me you're having Halloween party, without me, I can't bear that.
Seriously.

Halloween is the best of the all holidays ever even over the Christmas, yes!

She(you know already who) asked me where she could find corsets and it has to be white 'cause she's gonna make a white swan costume from The Black Swan movie.. I can't help if I'm burning because of my jealousy, I told her few websites, that I know, like Morticia.com. I've visited there some years ago (well, that does not help at all) and I know they have some corsets.. But.. I really don't know and I wanted to tell her some to have a talk of it. And of course Wedding stores have corsets (DUH), why you didn't know that.
You couldn't just ask earlier and Halloween's like in one week?(I just checked Morticia, they don't have whites but one waist corset that has black string decoration)

I got jealous attack and I could just express it with this picture I found. (kellehthedread.deviantart.com)

Jealousy is not healthy, I don't recommend it to anyone. But I am what I am.
It's badbad thingy in your head. Like I said, I can't help it, it's part of those bad traits of mine.
And I just try to turn my jealousy off by telling those persons that I'm jealous of something they have or do or.. You know! But it doesn't always work.

Like I didn't know that already, horoscope... Today there was situation in my head.
Today these same bad moods came back, and I've felt good some few days lately. They came back. And I'm watching those knifes in the kitchen table. But I say to myself 'no'. And turn around and go off from the kitchen. This is not what I want to talk about but,. Naah.
Don't.
I should go to sleep, it's too late again. Last two nights I've slept well, 'cause I went to sleep earlier, something around 10pm, and it was nice. Aaand now I see it's 2am.. Great.

That's what I drew tonight. I named it on DeviantArt 'all the things'. Well, You can just concept it yourself like you want. But to me it's like um.. this sentence came up; 'all the things that I have in my mind, the sadness, unhealthy thoughts, anger. They all came back and they haunt me. I'm full of it.'
That was more than one sentence.
But mostly if I feel sad (or anything else), it doesn't always have meaning. It just comes out of nothing. And I really can't explain that where it started from.

I wrote a, don't know is it letter but, may I say a letter to my BFF.. I am not able to talk to face-to-face now. About things that irritates me. I saw it more easier to express what I wanna say to her, because otherwise I would feel misunderstood. Because I'm good at writing but bad at speaking hard things and if something that makes me yet upset, I can't talk about it clearly. So I wrote, 'cause when I do it, I can stop and think, and continue it again. Yes, I'm just the one who is bad at socializing. I'd rather talk less and listen more. But it depends on person who am I talking with, do I have concentration to listen them. Lately I haven't had that with my BFF. It just makes me bored and my mind is wandering elsewhere, but I really try to focus to listen. It's just.. It feels like we have different scheme of things now. We look things differently.
But only when conversation goes deeper than usually. Or not. It depends.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so thoughtful person.

I was thinking of to publish this or not to.. Guess the rest what I decided to.

~Ida

tell me why I feel unwanted

..or would have 'rolling in the deep' make it more brighter if I wrote that sentence as title?
I don't know.
What if I just stopped caring?
What if I just stopped noticing people? Would it make difference. I don't think so. But when I have gone far enough only caring about someone too much and just stopped thinking about what I want, when I realize the situation I have come into, I see. I see that I have again have gave more to others and not even getting anything for change.
That's exhausting. 'Cause I'm always the one who gives 100%. I'm giving 100% but everyone else 50% or less.
Right now I feel shitty. Again? Yes, again.
There's big hole on my chest. I can't take this shit anymore. I'm dying inside. And you just sit there and don't say anything.
Because you don't notice it. I don't even know do anyone see me crawling. Or am I just
very good at hiding my true feelings. I don't know. Fuck this shit.,.!
I'm done. *sigh*

I feel I'm so done with all of this.

I want to just run. Run fast, away from everything and everyone.
I actually give I shit about you people! You don't- That one I ever gave 100% of myself ever gave me the same back.

I HATE EVERYTHING SO MUCH RIGHT NOW.
*le tears don't come out yet but I can feel them in my eyes*

Would everything work if I cared less than this. ?
I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm everything at the same fucking time. I'm so full of shit.
Sometimes I should stop. This. Caring thingy.

I need the fucking millions of hugs to actually feel better and people around me here, I...
Do you know it's shit lonely here? I bet you didn't know.

I didn't put that song here just for entertainment. Read the lyrics. But P!nk is so great, great artist and she had so much good songs, I mean, I've always loved her music even that I don't have any of her albums. I don't know why I haven't bought them 'cause there's always at least one or two songs that I can identify myself to, but I have the first one 'misunderstood' and I'm atm playing it in my car, 'cause it's actually mine, and I just took it with me when I last time visited (last weekend) at my Hämeenlinna home.

P!nk is strong woman and has that "fuck this, and that" -attitude in her songs that I adore. She's awesome and looking good always. I adore strong persons who don't give a shit.

Have a nice fucking day bye, Ida

I write to find out what I think

I'm already sorry that this includes subjects that may hurt someone's feeling because I'm talking about babies and kids and how I don't want having own kids! So don't read more.. Remember I have warned you. 

Seriously, don't read more..

Keeping a theme up in blog post is challenge. This time I don't really have a theme or bad mood that I earlier have had when I posted something. I'm feeling quite normal an balanced. And happy in some way. That's good right? I've had these bad moods after moving out. The whole year have been like a roller coaster to me, emotionally. I feel that I've talked about these changing emotion statues before here. O.o I don't know.. Just had a Déjà vu feeling. Huhh! Umm.. I totally lost my thoughts now, I can't remember what I was talking about, it's because I really don't have anything substantial to talk about. I could just share a quote in this point:

"I write to find out what I think" ―Stephen King

Uhh, wow! I didn't remember even that I had that quote on computer! It suits in this situation well! I love quotes so much and sometimes it's just easier to think through them and/or express myself that way better. And it's great to find those quotes that are like from your mind. And same thing applies songs. When I sometimes just surf on Youtube and suddenly there comes a song that is just right from my life or thoughts. It's amazing. 

Just very few hours ago, I got new baby cousin. Uhh, like 20 hours ago (exact time was 3:41 am). Something like that. Yeah. It's great. Or..... Yeah, it's a little gift for my aunt and her husband. They already have a boy, Arttu. He's 4 years old. Or if I remember right. Yeah, ok well.... I don't know how to act about knowing I have new cousin. It's a girl by the way.. "A little princess", they all are saying (my family, I meant). I have older cousin who's already having a daughter who's 6 years old, I think, and two other cousins; they are boys. So these are my all cousins I have. 3/4 boys. 

The thing is that, I haven't never really want babies. When I was little kid, and my mom has told me this many times; when I was kid, and I had to keep an eye on my little brothers, I felt exhausted in some way and mom told me that I asked her; "mom, do I have to make kids if I don't want to?". And I wasn't very old kid then. I have 5-6 years between my brothers, they are twins (but they don't look same which is good thing, you can tell which is which). So this is not just a "spur of the moment" or something. It's been always in my mind. I never really haven't thought very well the thing having babies. 'Cause yes, I'm single. Have been single always. And I highlight the word always. Never have been in relationship. 
And all people I know or knew have been getting their own babies for years now. Ever since I got into junior high school (?), one girl in my class dropped out of school when she got pregnant. And when I got into vocational school, there were one another, ended same way. And after that, I've heard many people having babies ever since. And it's going on and on.. At some point, I was thinking that is it just me or is everybody having babies nowadays? it has become some kind of fashion or something. Well, it's everyone's own thing if they are having kinds or not, but.. kids.. They bind you for at least 18 years to themselves. I, myself don't want to be bound that long to anyone. I don't know, it's just.. I don't want to take care of someone and be the one who's only one to take care of them with someone else with me. This is what I think of now. I must have free life. 

Some years ago, there was my family at our home, I think it was someone's birthday party, or.. yeah I think it was bday party. I was something like 17 years old and adults were talking about babies, 'cause my older cousin Janja just had given birth to her daughter and mom asked her sister how it feels to be grandmother and her respond is blurry in my mind but all I heard after it was my aunt said "..wait untill you have your own grandchildren". And I felt a pinch of panic then.
I think that explains all.

This may sound very selfish when I tell it like this way, but I just feel insecure about babies that's all. When someone is asking me if I want to hold their baby, I say "sure" but when I get the baby in my hands I think "oh shit, shit, shit.. So... What am I suppose to do? How am I suppose to hold this thing? It's so tiny, can I move it? Do I break it if I hold it like this?".. ...Mm.

I don't know what else to say in this point anymore. I feel I've said enough of this. I've disclosed these thoughts about babies. Babies... Ugh, all I see is now the word 'babies'...

Ok, I don't hate babies. They are cute. For so long if they are quiet and sleeping. And someone elses. And stranger's kids at markets, they annoy me. I'm there thinking like "Shut the fuck up!"
It's bleeding out of my ears. I haven't ever liked kids' crying, fretting or screaming. Ever. Who would like? 
All I think about if I would have my own kids, all is that I could choose the perfect names for them. That's all.
And I'm not saying here that if you are my friend and you have kids, you should just keep them away from me, no. I just tell my opinion about that I may not want have my own kids ever and what annoys me about having them. and I'm insecure about babies and kids..

I end now this, I'm hungry and I should go sleep soon too, I've been up my last nights so long that I should get my sleeping system to it's normal form. If I can ever again do that. It's been like more than a week when I've been up to 5 am and went to sleep and then woke up at afternoon after 2 or 3 (today I woke up at 4pm)..

Bye, see ya! ☮Ida

conversational skills missing?

I was just started to type my status on Facebook when I wrote it just a little more longer than my status' have ever been, so I decided that I could just come and make it a subject to talk about here instead of opening up to everyone on Facebook.
Sometimes I start to write like everywhere I am and suddenly I see it isn't the place to open up and I have to find other place to turn my really one-sided opinions. That is just what happens.

I was talking with a person and that's what got me snap in my head was that he responded to me "ok".
Answering simple "ok" to my long message, when I'm having a some kind of opinion about something, will certainly piss me off. That only proves me that people don't have high conversational skills nowadays which I'm trying to uphold in this vulgar world. I may be a little more demanding person to befriend with but you have to live with that if you really want to keep me in your life and as a friend. I'm not trying to pretend to be better than anyone but I need those deep conversations to keep my head going.
It is difficult to find people like that who enjoys to have long deep conversations and keep them on and be political with opinions (and if not, they just make it clear that it is certainly understood) even when they are very one-sided. But that's what conversations are, in adults world. Airheads can willingly walk away if this got your heart beat by panic even a little, 'cause I am not really interesting if your conversational skills are limited and cannot talk any other things than small talk, weather or how's it going -style of talking.

I have just lately noticed that I am more and more likely to have conversations that are long and deep with someone. I'm proud that I've learned that kind of discussion. And I've lately found people that enjoys (or hopefully enjoys) longer talking with me. I've noticed also that I, myself am more likely talking deeply than just lightly talking.

Lightly talking is nice when you don't really know the person you're talking with. But when you more are knowing them, you need more of those conversations when you two are not only talking about weather of that kind of light stuff.
But sometimes it's easier for me to talk deeply with a person I haven't even known for so long. It depends really much are we in same level or not.
At my last workplace, there was great people working with me, all of them were great, and I didn't have hard time to open up to them, after we had been known each others for some months. I only had a four month job there but I found couple of women to talk anything about with them. When I started to know them better.
I don't prefer to open up in my very first day or hour when I've just met the opposite person, but I clearly can see if we are in same level or not.
That is what depends on if I can ever open up of my personal stuff to them.

I've started to talk with my BFF about deep stuff lately, I've noticed that she wants to talk more deeply and she have also told me that.
But still, everytime that happens, we have different opinions about things and I decide to just close up and listen to her what she has on mind to tell. After we moved together (ew, hate to say that because we're not a couple), well.. into same apartment, we've had more deeper conversations than never. Maybe she has grown up a little because now she has to be an adult and start to live on her own. I hate this but I have to uncover things about her here, because. Well, I don't insult, I only describe.
Before we moved, she was a little more naive alike, she has always have parent issues that I can't understand, well, I could understand if she wasn't so much against to her mother about everything and wasn't whining to her. I just can't get ever on her shoes to understand that mother issues of her.
But well... After I worked with my BFF's mom for some weeks on last spring, I noticed I don't like her much. I was working for her to get some money (we were cleaning other peoples houses) to get more for my London travel. And some weeks ago when my BFF's family were visiting here like every fucking weekend, I noticed that I wanted to just run away from here, but I was hiding in my room for that time when they were here to put some thing on order in my friend's room.
So I was talking about her wanting to have these deeper convos.. Yeah, so everytime we have those, I find myself sitting there quietly just listening what she has to say. Different opinions about things can make me wanting to argument, depends on person I'm talking with and I decide to sit quietly with my BFF, and sometimes I get bored and this burning feeling on my chest is screaming to me "don't listen! Make excuse to escape!" and I can't help my mind to tell me that way. It makes me want to just shake her and make her change her stupid opinions about everything. I just can't make her listen up what I am thinking about those things 'cause I have very different opinions.
Because of why I find myself being quiet and wanna escape is that I can feel that little electricity between us and that tension if I just opened up. I can't stand that tension.

Maybe the reason is in me why I can't make arguments/fights of anything with her is that I am afraid to lose her even that she can be difficult. Part of the reason could be that some years ago we had two of fights but one of them happened when we were at party where were her other friend and she got hurt when other two of us three didn't take her with the conversation. And that the thing was that she was her friend and not really mine, made her hurt so much, I think. We really didn't outline her, she just didn't talk with us. And when we left the party, I asked was everything ok, that's what made her more furious, so I made a serious, I mean, very serious, I really meant it, that I am never ever ever gonna ask again was she alright. It was her own fault that she made me promise that. Even if she didn't want that, I still think she wanted it. This makes me very furious about it, after years, but I can't help how I feel about it.
The other argument was same alike. But we weren't drunk then.
I hate fights with friends, because they always make me feel I am the one who's fault it is. I don't know if it is or not, but as wise as my grandmother was when she was alive, she said "no one fights with themselves, there's always two". So.. That's how I keep low profile with the ones I love and care. I can at times be very afraid to lose friends. I make jokes in suitable space that I keep the atmosphere up a little more, but my friends haven't noticed me if they don't like me doing that.
I've lost some friends in my childhood because they had issues with something I did or said.
I'm not being rude, I'm honest. And if someone has issues with that, they do.

Making a little light up here so my text doesn't make you leave sad or mad(?), I'm telling you that I bought a little plant today to care about it ! I love cactus' and it's like only plant I ever get keep alive more than just a month or two.

It only cost few euros, something like 3,50 from store I found it. I purposely wanted to find a plant and not pay much of it so I found this little cutie here.

and a song that I just listened is from tv show I used to like to watch before it got to be not-so-good anymore, this part of the lyrics I want to share:
"I never promised you a ray of light. I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday. I give you everything I have, the good the bad." 
Song: Halo
Singed by: character named Haley James-Scott played by Bethany Galeotti. She has pretty voice.

That all. xxo, Ida ♥

anger, sadness ,anger again

I really can't stand this feeling, I have been suffered with it*(edited) for few days. Some days it's I'm like "yay everything's so fine and I'm happyhappyhappy" or somewhat that I'm ok with the universe, nothing hurts inside and I'm feeling balanced and I eat good food and something like that way.. But it was like week ago.
Now I'm up at nights to about 4 a.m. but it's so easy and I'm not feeling tired at all. And then on the next morning (or daytime) I wake up after 12 p.m. Or some days I wake up at 11 a.m. which is strange because how I can only survive a day with 5 hours sleep? I don't know... ..
I have felt anger but also sadness today. It's really nothing, I just feel that ways some times. I had plan to to take trash outside again and ugh, it just got on my nerves. I thought this anger would go away but, when my BFF got back home from school, I ate my luch/breakfast and I (yes only me, because I need stuff to entertain myself alone at home, in Hämeenlinna I mean that's my other home) packed my bags and we went out of apartment. One of the reasons we took off again was that there's some "planned together" -time with neighbors and there's some thing they do too. Like; good good and drink and the worst that just pushes me away from those meetings; cleaning the backyard. Hey, I don't do that anymore, since I don't live at home, thank you very much!!

So, I lost myself... .. I walked with my bags and my BFF to my car and we drove awhile some miles/kilometres and when I said something that I heard from radio, I only tried to make up some conversation 'cause we were been some minutes quiet and make atmosphere little bit happier by a small talk, but then she asked "what? I didn't listen.." and I; "well this whole thing that they cut down some police patrols from roads.. .." Well I might have said it a little more louder with a spice of temper but.. I'm quick-tempered when someone doesn't-pay-attention! Ok, I got a bit more tempered now too.. But I'm tempered person when it comes to that when I'm being ignored or when I'm talking and some other starts to speak on me or someone doesn't really pay full attention for things. Or for anything that happens around them..!
I think it was that there was no music on radio and some police Inspector was talking, 'cause there was today some accidents around Finland because of bad weather. Which I don't read bad if it's only rain, I don't know, I just don't. I like it when it's kind of challenging, or somewhat there's a little challenge in driving with a car, I like a little danger but I'm don't love danger. But yeah.. There was an pile-up on motorway and that's what they talked about on the radio. I may have some kind of obsession about things where are polices included. I've some years ago wanted to be a police so I can get control of things. I'm not control freak, no. That's not what I mean. I always watch police tv and things that are about crime.

Back to what I was really talking about. I'm feeling angry and I decided to go to movies alone, even that yesterday I asked my BFF to come with me, but because she haven't seen those Vares movies but the first one, I didn't want really to explain everything to her, because there's eight of Vares movies. So.. A lot to explain, and also there's included one older character that is in the second movie "Vares - Jäätynyt enkeli" (in eng. Vares - frozen angel). They are made of Reijo Mäki's Vares -novels, but I've never read them. Maybe I should.

I wanna just punch some faces myself too but I might end up punching a wall and I only get hurt. I fell also kind of depressed, 'cause.. . ..I don't wanna talk about that really. It's about feelings for someone. I think this is all by now, I might end up writing another one today or maybe not. But I'm also running out of time, I have to get ready for the movies, I just don't go out, I have to get make-up on my stupid face and do my hair and my movie starts about in 60 minutes, my way to centre is somewhat 15 minutes but still have to go get ready.

I hope when I wanna get back to computer later tonight, after the movie, there's no one on computer. And I mean my brothers. One of them has another comp but he's got some password and I can't enter it. And my other little bro (they're twins) uses this but he's got his own too but Idk maybe it's broken...

I leave this here now, I hope the movie doesn't get me bored(well I think not) and I can find good parking place near the cinema, there' raining and I don't feel like getting wet so much right now.

See ya. ~Ida

p.s. I think I could use a therapist

hanging between sickness and healthiness

Well, hey there.
As it appears in tittle, I'm not healthy nor sick. Yet.
I've been very tired all the time and I just want to sleep. And I don't have appetite of eating anything. I just fell asleep for few minutes in the middle of my floor and before that I was supposed to start writing here.
I was actually meant to write a few days ago but I think this tiredness started on last Saturday.
And I have forgotten the subjects that I was supposed to talk about. ::D ehehe.
But yeah,.. If I'm getting sick, I wanna write one post before that. Hopefully this is readable and doesn't sound confusing (because I'm feeling a little bit confused by now). Wait a second. Now I remember one subject what I was about to write.


I dyied my hair on last Thursday
I had to spend more money for those color stocks than never before because I had problems. I had a little bit my own color showing under the blond color so I decided it would be great time to dye it.
I already bought the color stock on Wednesday from store and I wanted to take a shade lighter than last time.

I dyied with L´oreal Préférence 'Helsinki' first, but it didn't hide my own color as well as I wanted so I took a trip to store to buy a new one that would possibly hide it better. And what did I do! I took a whole new different color from Schwarzkopf. Live Color XXL 00A Absolute blonde and  I swear it wasn't first so good idea! The directive said something that "you might have some orange and yellow shades in your hair while the color is affecting but it fades away". Well, hell NO it didn't fade away! When I was washing my hair it looked like Aurora's hair color from the Sleeping Beauty, not in the movie but in some pictures where people colors it waaay too bright in my opinion. OK, not that yellow but near of it.  I didn't took a picture of my hair in this part 'cause it was so ugly.. And I don't like it if it's about to have blond hair, or I think it doesn't fit on me. It has to be more golden but not yellow. I went to back to the store, but not to the same where I bought last ones. Idk, those stores what are near to my home are big and have lots of cash employees but, I think sometimes that it's a little embarrassing to get same stuff from same place if your hair dying has gone wrong. I'm insecure about that. ▪___▪

So I went to another store and then I bought a shade lighter than last one from  L´oreal this time. And I find these L´oreal Préference color names little funny 'cause first one was Helsinki and now I took one named Stockholm. hih~

uhh.. so, I finally uploaded my new pictures of me what I took last Friday(or Saturday I don't remember ::D) and I show one of them and that I can show how my hair dying ended. It went better than I expected.
Left to right, there is my hair before and after(not in the same day)

 


I knowww, my green end faded awaayyy ;;___;; But I have that shock color yet enough to dye then back but I can't now, I'm too lazy. I saw my mom and dad on Friday when I went to see them to my hometown but they just left from work where I was supposed to go see them. They were at my sister's to get her dog Manu(I love Manu, he's like the cutest little miracle ever♥) and when I called mom, she invited me to go to our summer cottage where I can see Manu too but I was planned to watch Steve & Tony's Love Story (yeah The Avengers, yes ;;D my BFF described it like that) with my BFF and her little sister but I really wanted to see mom so I drove to cottage. And when mom saw my hair, she said instantly that I decided to have more like her color. Them I really realized that hahah yes, we have almost the same color shade with mom..! (Well, I don't know is it cool or not)
I don't care if that new shade is too lighty for me, because it's not, I have always heard from others when I was saying them that I would like to dye my hair blond. I have always, like always since I was 7 or something, wanted to have blond hair even for a little while and all because of that I adored my Barbie dolls' blond hair. And I've always been that one who's the only one with red hair(bladder, bladder..). But I don't have that kind of stupid reason that Barbie's blond hair anymore it's something else ;D

I'm have a little bit sore throat and every time I swallow it hurts, and because of that I've drank so many cups of hot mixed homemade juice that I can't even remember how many today. I'm also feeling that my temperature is not normal, my forehead is warm but my toes are cold, but I'm feeling quite normal but my head hurts, it's not the normal headache you know.. It's that when you have fever. Or something. I'm bad at explaining anything.. But I can't be sure do I have higher temperature than normal because I don't have thermometer here. That sucks, because I always want to check it when I feel even a little bit not normal.
I should probably stop for now 'cause obviously I'm not feeling very healthy. But I don't.

I have to let out this one thing.. One friend of mine was just sick and it's so funny if I get sick now, just after her.. We don't even live near to each other. I've been drawing lately more thank usually. Usually I don't draw three or four per week. But yeah, I first drew Loki, then some days later Thor and that I drew for Katja who was sick. And no long after I again had idea to draw Elphaba Thropp the Wicked Witch of the West (from The Wizard of Oz if you know that). And that's not it yet; I colored Elphaba with my photoshop on computer and then Thor. And because my BFF's little sister had birthday last week, I drew Lady Gaga for her with watercolors. I might take Loki as my next coloring project, it looks so lonely when every other drawing is colored.

 

This was all for now ♥☮ ~Ida

Riddles of things that should be clear already + Movie Monday #59 - Disney villains

Hey, it's been, uuhh... how long? A week? since I wrote last time.. First. Movie Monday.

 Movie Monday #59 - Disney villains
This is weekly challenge from finnish 'Movie Monday' blog and I got interested of it by Katja. She runs her own blog Don't give a tinker's damn. 
There's different challenge and this week's woke up my interest. This is about Disney villains.

Who's my favorite ?
Uhh, this is hard. Because I like almost all the Disney villains in some kind of way. But if I must name only one... Gaston from Beauty and the Beast. I don't think he's really villain but.. He's kinda funny because he's so cocky and self-centered. :D

Ok I have to name one other villain 'cause I don't actually see Gaston as a villain. My favorite Disney villain is Scar from The Lion King (and I want to     tell you that his real name is Taka before he got his scar). He got his brother killed yes, he send his nephew far away that he can rise to be king. So why Scar? Idk, he attracts me with his green eyes, and he's different. In all the ways. He looks different and be behaves different than other lions. And oh, he's just so sexy with his proud essence. You should just read his story and then you would understand. I can't really tell more..

Who I was afraid of when I was kid?
I absolutely have one answer. Horned King from The Black Cauldron.

I have always been afraid of him. He's just so not like other villains. No. He's truly scary. I am still afraid of him a little bit. hrr.. I got chills. Ew.

Does (voice)dubbing matter and where the creepy comes from?
The whole creepy actually comes from the voices in everything. The villain is much scarier if he or she has some scary voice actor who has this amazing talent of voice acting. Dubbing doesn't really matter in Disney movies. They pick up the voice actors according to me, very very carefully. It's amazing how they have got so similar to each others voices and in different languages. I adore that. But having a little criticism here, I have to say that Mufasa from the Lion King doesn't have that much low voice in english than he does in finnish. Yes, I was (every one of  90's kids) little child when I first saw The Lion King at cinema and I like his low voice. Really much. When I heard him in english at my twenties, it wasn't so low. I must say this too that I love low voices of men and a little example; Chris Hemsworth. ;)

Now for my ordinary monday and how it went.

First I wanna tell how my day has been. It's been fine. No one ever thinks that for real. They only say it because they it's been dull or then they just don't want to say it has been bad.
I am not gonna lie. I never wanna say that sentence. It just it just irritates me. But to people I don't like or don't wanna bladder, I say it's been fine. At least good. What means 'good'? Is it that you haven't been doing actually.. nothing? That's why you answer them good. Or is it just because you wait them to tell about their much more interesting life than yours? Or you've been just dull.
Well, my day went averagely ok. Because first of all, I woke up and when I saw myself on a mirror, I went like "what the fuck is staring me from that mirror?". My hair was waaayyy too tangled together, messy and dirty. Ew. You do not want to see that. I fucking looked like a troll again!

Well, I went to kitchen nothing more thinking and ready to make my morning porridge. No milk! I don't wanna make it with water so I didn't actually eat anything but drank tea and glass of orange juice. Whole day  ruined because of that milk.
I saw dishes, they were been there the whole weekend. I didn't do anything to them now either.
I hate full trashcan and because I (actually we) have two cans under the dishwashing table, I took them out. I  brushed my tangled hair, it was HARD and then I went to shower.
When I got back from shower, I saw green hair on my bedroom floor. They were mine, because I have green ends of my hair and my hair is probably very damaged (which I don't give a shit about) and they break easily.. umm.. yeah.
So I went to take vacuum cleaner machine but, it wasn't it's right place. It was at my bff's room. I hate when thing don't find back to their own places. I have said it to her when we have been discussing about cleaning about hundred of times. I cleaned only kitchen and my room (I don't even be at living room so much and not  spend my time at my bff's either so..) and cleaned the earlier said rooms' floors with mop.
Yeah, that looked so much better.
I decided to wait my bff to come home and then we would go to market to shop a little food to each other. Both of us buys our own food, I decided to discuss with her about it, about a two weeks ago and then it was fine with her. She came home and it seemed her feet hurt and she would be able to come to marker with me later. Well, I waited like and hour and then went to her and asked 'how much later you wanna go..?' (because it was 6:30pm already and I wanted to be back before Salatut Elämät = finnish TV soap opera) and she said we can go immediately. The whole trip to market we didn't spoke. Actually I tried to speak something, a little small talk you know. But I got night back. It never works with her.
In the market, I took one little basket only for myself and about in the halfway at everything I said to her that she should just simply tell me if she don't want to buy food for herself, then she don't have to come with me. I saw it from her face the whole time that she didn't want to be there. Just fucking tell me, discuss with me.
Are we suppose to be adults or what? Or what I think.

I read a quote from www.goodreads.com yesterday and I wan to share it with you.

“It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.” ― Lou Holtz

So this was kind of all today. Peace out ☮

Mistakes makes me perfect

I already gave up on one subject I was gonna write about, but I was writing it last night so I checked it out today and I realized I don't want to continue that anymore. That happened for the first post too.

Because I always think twice but if it's the mistake I'm gonna make in life, I don't think twice, 'cause those mistakes don't just come behind the corner just like snap. I see them when they have already happened awhile ago and I have to fix it. They come out slowly like some fucking ninjas in the shadows.
But the mistakes I decide to fix, whatever it ever is, I just need the first kick. That kick may be a friend's advice or my teacher's (when I was school, not anymore) but never my mom's. Because the difference between the given advice of mother's and friend's is that mom yells at me, or she says it with anger or disappointment that I can just feel in my bones or at least she gives me those bad looks that beat me down even more, emotionally. I do not get the courage.(I bladder too much now)

I have been swimming on this 'not being self-confident enough' -thing too long.

Next subject is better.
I am having deco design project in my room! It is still very incomplete because I have to paint the walls first and I haven't went to get my painting supplies yet. And the reason why I do this re-decoration is that my wall are just way ugly colored by the last person who lived in here before me.
The walls are too dark blue for my taste. But I have to admit it that it looked prettier or at least I should say, they looked more acceptable when my parents were here to put my new big mirror on the wall above my table, new as well.

My room looks this atm:

The first pic You see my room as this when you stand at the door
Second pic That is my new mirror and the table that were just bought. They cost about 179€ together, mirror 99€ & table 79€, both from IKEA.

Chair is not new and the trashcan(under the table) is actually very old tin can that I have had since forever, but last year I painted it at my father's car repair shop with car paint colors. x)
Anyways, I'm going to paint those walls soon, I don't know when, as soon as I get my lazy ass off of this apartment to get the paints, and I have been thinking some sort of beige.

but with the beige, I need one lighter color because I'm thinking about painting only one wall with the darker one (I took example colors out of Tikkurila's color palette) but they must not differ too much from each others. The ones I am thinking about. This is really hard and it may take time to choose those colors because I'm such a perfectionist on everything I put myself into!
But this is only tentative..

After I get walls painted I am sticking some butterflies on the wall. That's right, butterflies! I took screencap pic from internet, I saw this awesomeness on Gossip Girl(and I already said I don't watch it but with my bff)

I want my wall look exactly like Serena's bedroom at Blair's home.
I have cutted only 25 paperbutterflies, because my hands hurts; I always tend to squeeze scissors too hard when I focus and try to make perfect trace(see, I'm perfectionist!)

SO, here are the black butterflies I've already cutted and there's one on wall for example.

 






This was quite all for now. Lastly I put a quote here.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

― Marilyn Monroe

Peace out ! ☮Ida

Alice in land of Madness

The ever since I have gone mentally insane by my best friend I write about it.
Because - If I can now quote a friend of mine - " Because, saying things out loud, makes your mind feel better. Then you've "done something" for it. If you would keep them to yourself, you would feel even horrible. It's natural to whine for someone and search for help/approval/guidance etc. Even if you're doing it non-purposely".
Katja(Katja, Kake or Cakey? Which one, tell me?) has been my sort of 'personal Dr. Phil' for a week(and for life I wish), I know she feels kinda a bit cocky now that what I say now, that she's really been helpful for me to even get through some of days by talking with me at nights and listened to me when I had something in my mind and needed or not needed to whine it.

So, I have decided to tell about how insane this all moving out system have gone. To clear out, I moved out two weeks ago from my childhood home, and I already told that on last text post but uhh.., it made me think. I have been 24/7 only with my BFF, and since I have no job and I am slowly running out of money, it all makes me mad. And since I know anyone else from this town, the only company irl for me is my BFF or me to myself. The reason why few of you whom I have told about this blog is that I don't really want to tell about this to so many(including my BFF, which is term I am not so sure anymore should I use it about her).

It has appeared to be much more harder to be independent than I thought it would.
How incredibly wonderful this whole moving out is, huh? Really? I see nothing wonderful about it.
The only thing that is great, that you have finally alone time from your family. No more "do the dishes", "could you clean this house" or food that you hate. All gone. You are now your own master. Which includes the un-nice(is it a real word, well I have 0% fucks to give if it's not) things such as bills. I sincerely hate bills! They drive me mad. As you can see, madly mad maddness. Mad mad mad. All mad.
You probably think, 'that girl is insane'. I don't blame you. This post has shown you it. But how you really qualify 'madness'? It's no one's business really to tell if someone is insane. But since we have all these doctors our there in world, they can diagnose what's mad and what's not.
I can't stand that word anymore, surely can you either, and I stop writing about it now.

In this very moment I think of going to get all those irritating garbage bags away, and maybe I should eat something. But I am really not hungry at all. I've lost my appetite somewhere.
It's all have been only coffee or tea for some days now.And I haven't even got sleep enough because of reasons. My coffee is all so cold again. ;__;

OMG IT'S THORSDAY I ALMOST FORGOT IT!
Since it IS Thorsday again, if you don't know(probably not) I have started this tradition on every Thursday. It means that I pick up a picture of Marvel's character Norse god Thor, and do a same pose as in the picture. I didn't have any time today to do that, because I forgot it was this day again(Is it really have been a week already since last one?)
Well, I have already posted to my DeviantArt two Thor pose -pics and I just show you them here and now so you know what's it all about. I'm making new maybe tomorrow or next Thursday then 'cause I forgot it. Fuck why, I've been so down lately that I forget everything.

I have cleared my mind again, so now I shall put a quote. (This will be tradition also on my blog)

“The unhappiest people in this world, are those who care the most about what other people think.” 

― C. JoyBell C.

but I found this other one too so here's another quote:

“It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.”  ― Rose Kennedy

Oh right then. See you again, ☮Ida

p.s. Friendly reminding that you can throw me subjects whatever you want and I'll check it out if I may write about it☮♥

pfft boring text title

So, This is my kinda my second blog in my lifetime.
I had one few years back but it came out to be too hard to update it like every fucking
week(srry I curse kinda freely at times) and I hadn't really any worthy theme what
to talk about back then. I kinda made it 'cause my friend had started a blog too. And the
thing was I wanted to fit in(which I don't do it anymore, I don't live for satisfy others, kinda tired of that shit).

Well, uhh.. So what to talk about now?
Well, I'm young-ish (24 years old on next november 4th) woman from Finland, I use here the name Arya as a nickname(because of reasons) but my real name is Ida.
I had just moved to my very first apartment with my best friend. I lived last 23 years in Hämeenlinna
and have long dreamed of living in Tampere. This area I live at, is quite calm place to live
- if we don't include my neighbors that are annoying, coz I am not very used to them coz I have lived only in town house and not in high rise apartment - or I kinda find it calm now.

What I've been doing today?
Nothing really. I just woke up two hours ago, and it's late time to wake up this time of day. The time is now
6 p.m. and I was awake the whole time last night. I kind of promised to my BFF to be her company
when she was watching Pretty Little Liars live at last night. If you haven't never seen that show, just google it, it's kinda for those who like to watch anything that includes interpersonal drama and it is kind of same alike with Gossip Girl*. I sometimes am trying to start watch those shows that my BFF is watching but
I end up getting tired of that shit. By 'shit' I mean I can't stand too much drama, in my life or in tv shows..
Not my thing really. It's sort of too frustrating *I'm taking next sip of coffee that is gotten cold already* and shattering.
My BFF, she's kind of fell in love - if I can say that - with those teenage drama tv shows, she've always watched them. I'm not so, even that I sometimes watch GG* with her, but I like more some sci-fi or police/crime scene -drama tv shows. Dexter is one of my favorites of all time seen shows ever.
Well, I just list here some of them and some of what shows I've watched and liked:

• Dexter
• Supernatural
• Terranova
• NCIS
• Nip/Tuc
• L word
• Buffy the vampire slayer
• Angel
• House(but not really nowadays anymore)
• Charmed(long time no see, when I was younger I used to watch it kinda daily with my BFF from vhs tapes)
• Skins (but I don't really like it)

and last that I've liked to watch from tv was Doctor Who.
I will tell later more about this subject. :)

So, to get back to subject that I have now so fucked up sleeping system..
I just have been awake for two or maybe three-four latest nights. I just told my girl crush that I like her. Huh, I mean, I haven't had crush on anyone since forever and never really told them my feelings.
But there was that one guy once some 250 years ago, when I somehow got his phonenumber and I told him what I feel about him and I got so hard back on my face that I've ever since told anyone that I like them. ::D
(Sad but kinda funny) And once in vocational school, that one guy seemed to have interest in my too, but then he started dating one girl that was in my class and I sort of gave up.
I've never ever been able to tell anyone my feelings, I am too shy for that. And it sometimes irritates me.
But then again, I'm happy to be single (for life). It's complicated to explain.
Back to the main subject again. *keeps a long break and don't know what to write*
Yeah, well.. I don't even know what to tell anymore now, the thoughts are now somewhere very lost in my head.
As much as I love quotes, I would want to write one what I read last night from this great quote site
I've just found. It's from Bob Marley about love and it's really long but it is just so great.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

― Bob Marley

This is kind of end of this text for today. I'm trying to update my blog as many times as I can.

Subjects will change and you can tell me about if You want me to write something you want me to write. :)

Feel free to hit me some subjects to write about!

―see you again, Ida xxo