I just got enough

I need to vent this. Too much adrenaline. Can't just stand her.
I always get adrenaline when it's about to solve problems between two persons and that one you have to clear up displeasing things, it gets my blood run so fast and I'm shaking so much by the adrenaline
that I can barely keep myself together.

I just wanna scream. Like REALLY hard and then fall on the floor. Or go to some lonely place where no one can hear me screaming my heart out of my chest.

Okay then I don't need a best friend. I just don't say it to her. I think she'll realize it by herself by the time. I can't even talk to her so what the point of trying. Sometimes I barely get a smile from her. She maybe notices that I am trying to get that smile. And then maybe couple of days after on her better day, when she's more talkative, 'explains' really suspiciously that sometimes she just don't want to socialize or don't want to even smile or talk to people and she-- Oh GOD.

Now I know. I've known for awhile I guess. She's my problem. She makes me miserable.

Writing this makes me more angry and feelings are strangling my neck.
I just can't cry.

I've been thinking that I give away the ticket I bought to Justin Bieber's concert. I really don't want to go. With her&her sister. I know I can't do it. Because why I would have felt such happiness when driving off from Tampere to Hämeenlinna and be just eager about being here for the next week.

Now she's insulting me on Twitter. Okay. My instincts are never wrong about those.
That really breaks me apart. She doesn't know what I've been through and it annoys me that I can't talk to her about it, just can't!

Fuck that shit.

Tears. Finally.
Couldn't keep myself together.
Okay. Now you're just a roommate. Because I can't count on you if I need to open up.

This is how my therapy goes: vent the anger on blog/diary, crying my heart out, wiping tears away and then listening to music. Then I get over it.
Something like that.
But there's still the place for a tight hug that I need.