my will to believe in life has to start again

Okay, movie Monday challenge from last Monday.... and that waass....3rd Dec already. :D
I was about to write it earlier but I had no idea or inspiration.

Okey.. so..Questions were..:

Who is your favorite of deformed creatures with a heart, however, in place? Who's cruel treatment makes you drop a tear?
hmmm.. There's lot of 'monsters' I like, I am somehow always going to their side, instead of others..
My favorite creature that has received bad treatment and avoid from others is Edward Scissorhands. 

┅❖┅

Okayyyyyh, then my personal life newss.

I've spent a week now at home and I've had fun. Lots of it. Fun means:

I saw a guy friend on Monday and I spent about three hours with him at his apartment. We haven't seen each others like.. ..for years I would say. But we have been in touch on internet.. 

I also bought ticket to Rise of the Guardians on Monday before the friend meeting. 

Tuesday I was just at home helping mom to make cakes and stuff to Wednesday. So on Wednesday I was at my brother's school were he graduated from highschool. 

We had quests between 3:00pm - 6:00pm and the last ones came around 6pm and stayed couple of hours and they were friends of my parents, they went to our summer cottage to spend a night. My brother had few friends from 6pm to 1am and all my siblings were together except me., who were hiding in my old room where I have slept all these nights here. Drunk afterparty went well, I drank couple of long drinks with myself as company, once in a while I went to see what's happening at downstairs to get another drink and check out  that the house isn't damaged or anything..

at 1am I watched Snow White and the Huntsman and went to sleep..

ON Thursday I went to movies to see Rise of the Guardians where I bought that ticket. I liked it so much! It was funny and that's what I need to have now, happiness. Building myself back together, trying to keep on going in the middle of mood swings in this roller coaster. 

I've drank couple of long drinks every night since Wednesday, I don't wanna get wasted so much, I don't wanna have hangover, that's why but I want to drink something.

That sounded more stupid than what it sounded like in my head... ...

Friday... umh.. Why I do not remember that... It wad just yesterday!

uuhh... I seriously don't remember what was I doing-- and now it came back.

Second one of the twin brothers had night with his friends, they drank and played games and had sauna time.. Mom wasn't pleased about it today at all.. Today when my parents came home, I was alone and I had to listen mom's nagging about how my brother didn't clean up after and how she have cleaned the house just before Christmas and nag nag... 

I was on computer and my laptop is making me anxious already about being so slow and then there was even some angsty stuff on Tumblr atm, and then there was mom nagging so I was so near to go down, but I shut myself and I was pretending to listen her because I couldn't just take it. Thank Odin, other people showed up soon and mom stopped and she went to make food.

I was fed up about my best friend and I have talked with my mom and sister (both alone with me in different moments), my sister is also moving, which she have done a lot in these years since she moved out from home before me. She moved out at her 19's and ever since she has had few apartments.. So now that she's moving again, mom got that address to that company that is selling apartments in Hämeenlinna and gave it to me so I can keep an eye on it and I have to go to make an application..

It took two days from my best friends to send a text to me and ask my bank account number so she could pay me back the half of that electricity bill what she was owed to me.

But I just said I don't need it anymore. So that's it. She didn't ask about the Justin Bieber ticket that I am owed to her or the TV bills... What evs.

I was about to write about this yesterday or the day before it, but I've been avoiding it, because I want to avoid it. Just for myself, because if I'm down, and then I open up to blog ors, I'm just getting those feeling back and it makes me once again feeling down. 

And now I really need to concentrate my thoughts to positive things. Untill I go back to Tampere. 

I am afrair of going back. Because I've just got back this positivity and it can't come back, not now.

I have still tomorrow to go at my cousin's Christening party and on next Monday I'll see another close friend. I haven't seen her for so long.

So these were all.. I'm going to watch some Supernatural now and off to shower,

~Ida

I just got enough

I need to vent this. Too much adrenaline. Can't just stand her.
I always get adrenaline when it's about to solve problems between two persons and that one you have to clear up displeasing things, it gets my blood run so fast and I'm shaking so much by the adrenaline
that I can barely keep myself together.

I just wanna scream. Like REALLY hard and then fall on the floor. Or go to some lonely place where no one can hear me screaming my heart out of my chest.

Okay then I don't need a best friend. I just don't say it to her. I think she'll realize it by herself by the time. I can't even talk to her so what the point of trying. Sometimes I barely get a smile from her. She maybe notices that I am trying to get that smile. And then maybe couple of days after on her better day, when she's more talkative, 'explains' really suspiciously that sometimes she just don't want to socialize or don't want to even smile or talk to people and she-- Oh GOD.

Now I know. I've known for awhile I guess. She's my problem. She makes me miserable.

Writing this makes me more angry and feelings are strangling my neck.
I just can't cry.

I've been thinking that I give away the ticket I bought to Justin Bieber's concert. I really don't want to go. With her&her sister. I know I can't do it. Because why I would have felt such happiness when driving off from Tampere to Hämeenlinna and be just eager about being here for the next week.

Now she's insulting me on Twitter. Okay. My instincts are never wrong about those.
That really breaks me apart. She doesn't know what I've been through and it annoys me that I can't talk to her about it, just can't!

Fuck that shit.

Tears. Finally.
Couldn't keep myself together.
Okay. Now you're just a roommate. Because I can't count on you if I need to open up.

This is how my therapy goes: vent the anger on blog/diary, crying my heart out, wiping tears away and then listening to music. Then I get over it.
Something like that.
But there's still the place for a tight hug that I need.

Party party on next week!

I have to go. I want to go. I'm freezing here. And I like that I have to go homo for the next week, there's so much to do ! On Tuesday I'm gonna help mom baking for my little brother's Graduating party, on Wednesday is The Party, Thursday there's gonna be 95th Independence day in Finland and there's some celebration event at my home town's Ice Rink and I wanna see that what kind of show they are bringing this year (my brother was playing ice hockey player Mikael Granlund on last year's show so I was there watching it). I have some free time on Friday to Saturday and on Sunday I'm going to my baby cousin's Christening party and I am going to be one of her three Godparents :) I'm also gonna see one close friend on Monday, or if we decide to see earlier but I really don't mind if we see on Monday and on Thursday too, because she asked if I'm going to Independence celebration event, I think we're gonna see there maybe.

I'm so exited about the next week at Hämeenlinna, 'cause I've been a little bit more than a little down this week. And I am not even sorry for leaving. 

I'm happy that there's finally snowing and the snow is staying on the ground this time(first snow came on November but it stayed only that one night). People might think that finnish people are always going crazy about the first snow and that they seem like they've never seen snow before. No, in my case, I am every time very happy about snow when it comes! I love snow, but the coldness without it is killing me, it depresses me. Because there's only coldness and very dark. 

This is gonna be like a habit that I go off to HML for more than just for weekends :D I've been now for two nights sleeping with mittens on and I'm wearing my leggings pants, what I use normally at daytime, because I'm just so freezing here! And one night I wore two couples of wool socks.

About spending my free time on Friday and Saturday, I would want to just go see some movies. I am thinking of going to see Breaking dawn pt 2 again, like I haven't seen it couple of times before ::D But if I find some movie so great, I want, or I just go see it twice or more :D I really wasn't fond of Rise of the Guardians when I was only seen posters of it, but when on Tumblr last week and this week too, I would want to see it. 

Few movies I would want to go see for now what are in theaters or coming soon:

• Nightmare -Painajainen merellä (='Nightmare at sea' Salatut Elämät -movie)
• Hobbit - Unexpected journey
• Rise of the Guardians
• Hotel Stransylvania
• Frankenweenie
• Looper
• Astérix et Obélix: Au Service de Sa Majesté

and maybe this too:

• Imaginaerum (by: Nightwish)

but I can go to see Hobbit when I'm back to Tampere 'cause the premiere is 12.12.2012(hahah, magic date)
OH! I just found that there's real ballet movie coming on next week as well. It is filmed in 1966 and it's Swan Lake ballet. I haven't never seen that before, and I love ballet since I was dancing since I was 6 and ended dancing when I was 15. But since when, I've always loved ballet so much, I've seen opera ballet twice; Sleeping Beauty and Nutcracker. But I just dont' remember when, I was still little girl. I still have my hard-pointed ballet shoes. And I thought they don't cost much but just few weeks back, I heard it from mom how much they actually cost. Mine were over 200€ when they were new. That little surprised me! Well, how couldn't it surprise anyone.

Since I saw this furry vest at first time on Kate in Breaking Dawn pt 2, I fell in love from first sight!(Kate's on left)

And thanks to my close friend Katja, she found vest that was some way alike with this one, now I'm in process to find that :D

Okies, bye then :P ~Ida

Make your best move, zombies

So.. Movie Monday turned to be Movie Tuesday.
I was about to write this yesterday but, well at least I did it now !

Movie Monday #68 challenge this time was walking dead.. ZOMBIES.

1. Best Zombie movie ever?
I have only seen just a few zombie movies so.... The best I've seen..
I don't really know, this is hard to say what is actually the best of all. All what I've seen are good in their own ways but I've seen The Evil Dead by Sam Raimi few years ago, I was somewhat like around 17 years old. It is in it way great zombie movie. It's made in 1981, but that it's so old (31 years) movie it doesn't make it bad(don't judge movie by the year it's made ;) This movie just had those creepy voice effects what makes them scary.

2.Worst and why?
Zombieland. I don't even remember anything about it, it might be because it was boring and out of my taste in zombie movies.. And it wasn't really that kind of zombie movie I like. It was also a comedy. So.. Like.. You know, you can't add comedy in zombie movie! No. This was the worst I've seen.

3. running or suffling zombies?
I personally fear more suffling things. Any scary thing that if moving very slowly but very certainly to you. Hrrrr, I even got chills while writing that.

4. First and last seen ?
I saw at some list of zombie movies that Cabin in the woods is one of them. So I count it as last seen. And my first ever seen zombie movie was.... Wait, I have to think of this, it's been so many years ago.. :D I think it might been Stephen King's Creepshow 2. I have seen both (1st & 2nd movie) when I was about 15 years old or so.. In those movies they really are very scary for me even that those movies are 25 years old this year. But what I think why Creepshow is one of the scariest is that (in my opinion) they made such good movies in 80's. This goes to that are where it is what people like about movies and what is good or bad but I'm born in late 80's so... No, that is not my excuse :D but I like some of the fantasy and scifi movies what are made in 80's.
But yeah, uhh.. I was saying that for those who don't know about Creepshow, it includes five stories in one movie that are based on Stephen King's stories.

Own comments:
I didn't want to pick any creepy picture of The Evil Dead movie on the top of this entry, because actually I found very scary pictures from google and I'm writing this in nighttime, and it's dark outside & I don't want to scare myself to death. :D And I find those vintage zombie posters somehow neat at the moment.

So.. bye for now :)
~Ida ♥